[ that catches him offguard. perhaps it shouldn't have, when everything about rin was written in unfamiliar sentiment, an unfamiliar shade of red that burned rather than stained.
yet he angles himself around, ghost of a brow raised. time and time again he finds himself needing to step back in order to understand the steps of the conversation, only finding the solidity of incomprehension.
the truth was, he was fine with dying. he was fine with dying as long as he could take all that goddamn below with him.( where was naoto to be his last resort with that sword of hers ). ]
- It's fine. [ an answer made for scars, and a parry to the jab even if it lacks clarity to what he was answering. acceptance against anger and it is odd to be the one standing still for once.
for some reason, he wants to laugh, for a quick short breath like a shot, he does. ] Fix? [ we? ] I can't. Dunno how to. The only things that could fix it are buried behind whatever past we're part of now.
It won't help me here, but back home - there were swords. Or at least one sword for sure that was meant to punish disobedient dogs. Took a long time to heal from that shit. [ his side still remembered that pain. the draw-pull of the blade sharp and slow. ]
Ah - look, [ he hesitates, fumbles and looks for words he isn't used to giving. even rin's attempt at a threatpromise is lost, momentarily. ] - if the other guy shows up again. Get away. It's not a good idea to stick around.
[ sloppy concern. convincing heine of anything that could hint at experimental would be an event in and of itself.
a moment, and he adds with a twist to his lip, and he takes an indirect step forward. ] And Rin? I'd like to see you try and toss me anywhere.
[ and he looks to his feet, where blossoms pool. ] Ah - what do I do with these now?
It's nice. A little bit of color in all of — [ he sweeps an arm around him, indicating the flood. the cracked concrete. the silence. ] — this.
[ a few petals, disturbed by the movement, flutter to life about him. rin's mind is a lifetime away, thinking about all that must be done in order to make this work: a meeting with tadashi, more information about the dog, foolproof tech that will - if only for a time - wipe that hangdog look from heine's face.
the silence doesn't last long. rin's determination has only been set in stone in the moments since, his gaze upon heine now brimming with careful consideration. ]
I'm serious. Not about some sword that can hurt you -- I'm thinking, maybe some kind of containment field? If the dog can't get out, then you can't hurt me or anyone else. Until we all know it's safe to let you out.
[ it doesn't matter if heine's pessimism is thick enough to clot their air between them. rin will make all the plans, rin will tie the fucking bow on top, if that's what it takes to make all of this work out.
but he softens with the quip, enough to continue the rally: ]
'sides. If it's strong enough to contain you, I'm pretty sure I can toss you wherever I want. You game?
[ rin will probably go ahead with this whether or not he has heine's permission, but better that he go through the motions first. ]
[ it's nice he says and somehow heine does not think to agree, a grunt in some half-assed disagreement.
colour was maybe a little odd to have in the periphery of his surroundings, though it isn't a thought he really lingered much on, and even now it only comes in passing because what rin says next has him bristling, rising on hackles.
retort a near snap that breaches canines, ] - don't even try it, Rin.
The dog and I - you don't get it at all, do you? We're the same thing. [ he eases back, bark dying out against the breeze and he forces an exhale in its place. containment field in theory did not sound bad. but it would suppose him knowing when he was going to snap and his smirk is cruel at the very thought. it always is. ] And you know, sometimes it's not because I lose control, it's because I let it.
[ the idea, to him, seems too far. seems too much and too unreal and even if it wasn't he wouldn't dare hope something like that could work.] Besides, wouldnt trying to make any of that shit up just make it an experiment?
I'm not into that whole masochism thing. [ somehow, the collar barked in disagreement, all the bullet holes and wounds and reckless drives somewhere dug up in his past, in his flesh without any record. just a dog whose too much smoke to die. ] - Ugh, I'm not going to willingly jump into an experiment.
[ heine's pessimism is thick enough to built walls no one will climb. he will refuse. over and over because involving more people sounded terrible. because he didn't know if he wanted it to work and somehow thinking that the only thing that could put him down was a sword was okay, was better than some bullshit science field that could not possibly mix well with a collar he was master to and knew next to nothing of. besides, where would they find someone who knows enough about that?
someone who wouldn't be exactly like einsturzen. ] So, no Rin. I'm not game.
[ the red of his eyes only serves to emphasize how cutting his glare is. ] End of discussion. [ he won't be centre point of your goddamn saviour complex. ]
I'm not going to ask anyone to experiment on you. That's not - after all of what you just told me, I'd never suggest anything like that.
[ and it's frustrating to see that heine doesn't trust him enough to see his good will for what it is.
yet — can rin truly blame him? taken as a child, stripped of his humanity, forced to live with a bastardization of his own worst traits lurking in the shadows of his heart. one wrong turn and the ribcage closes, the blood turns sour in his mouth. maybe that's all that rin is, a moment away from his thoughts, a distraction.
worse than that, rin can't blame him. there are monsters and monsters lurking in tellus, each of which wouldn't think twice before grinding human bone and sinew to dust. but heine's worst fears are inside of him.
of course rin can't blame him. ]
But -- you think I don't see how rattled you are?
[ this is the only way rin knows to reach out. maybe tellus has stripped him of his softness, his ability to drop the gnashing teeth and flame-bright eyes.
but heine - of all people - should understand. ]
You think this tough-guy shit is gonna hide any of that?
[ it's not about saving all of them - rin knows fully well how small his hands are, how great and vast the universe is. it's not even about saving the other inhabitants of tellus, though that would be the logical argument.
it's about that edge of desperation that rin can read in the tight angles of heine's body, as clearly as if he'd spoken it aloud.
i just want to help, is what rin is telegraphing. a thin, wavering note that he wishes he could make audible. ]
Newsflash: it isn't.
[ it doesn't matter. even if heine tells him to fuck off, rin's going to do what he thinks is best. ]
Isnt it? Isn't it exactly what you're suggesting? [ maybe that is harsh. it's certainly unfair, since rin's suggestions come from that space between his ribs that housed colour and sentiment and something heine will never comprehend.
he still remembers the walls he woke to; there was nothing else and rin says it rattles him and it does. and he hates that it is as clear as surface of water, even if some things are still distorted against the proverbial liquid.
firered eyes and heine turnstile scarlet of his away and laughs. actually laughs, harsh raspwhisper and the tight angles of his body coil at the subtle vibration, hands stuffed into his pockets. ] Really.
You think you can fix it? [ the reason aside, it's a laughable idea.
or maybe there was a part of him that did not want to let the dog go. to not have the potential to block that thing out, because that would mean letting go of that guilt, if his intentions, if that need. of that purpose, assigned to a stray.
it comes down to this; rin doesn't know what is best for him and heine would never allow that truth to show through. the burden was his own, shoulders used to the weight. his smile is uncomfortable and thin, rin's whisper thin intentions lost on deafened ears. ] We're from completely different worlds. Didn't think I would have to remind you.
[ even though the strange light in heine's eyes is foreign. though he stands like the scarecrow rin has oft likened him too, bones in the guise of limbs, lumps of coal for eyes. like something too different for rin to reach out and recognize as human.
except that's not true. only a moment ago, heine had proved just how human he is. even if he doesn't want to admit it. even if he's so deeply embroiled in his own self-hatred that accepting help seems anathema. ]
Unless you're too proud to accept help.
[ it's a shot in the dark, rin's verbal gun empty of ammunition. heine stands on some distant precipice that rin can't reach; acting as a guide would be impossible.
rin makes up his mind in that moment, away and apart from the conversation at hand. even if he gives in today, he's not going to stop. he'll talk to tadashi, he'll talk to every single medical and technical expert amongst their numbers if it means helping heine find a solution that works for him.
if it means losing heine's friendship, so be it. some things are worth more.
in the end, whether heine wears that sickle-curve of a smile or not, he's still made of flesh and bone. there's still a beating heart hidden within. and rin's come to care about its perpetuity, even if heine seems to have lost hope long ago. ]
Che - [ a click of his tongue, and the rise and fall of a shoulde in a shrug, a creak of cartilage in its socket.
rin speaks of pride and it should make heine rise in his hackles. should parry the jab, like a starved dig eager to action. except he speaks of pride and heine covets his lack of admittance. in silence like of a doberman's jaw, wet and unyielding. his pride sits in his throat, in his chest. I'm the thump thump thump of rotten heart because pride and guilt is the very thread which weaves the paperthin blue of his veins.
and that's fine. ] Accept help?
Or some daydream? [ he cannot accept. will not. because nothing about his nature would allow him otherwise. and the hound bays in echo, hungry and messy and crude and for a moment longer,heine does not remember where he starts and the collar ends.
perhaps he never will. ] Look. I told you what you needed to know. That's it. I'm not asking for help. [ so stop shoving it down my throat is implied.]
[ rin nearly forms a rebuttal, crude in his own desire to make heine see his perspective.
and then he looses his tethered breath. it's not worth it. ]
Fine.
[ rin doesn't let anything go so easily, though.
maybe it's a virtue. maybe it's a personality defect.
but heine stands before him like he's proving something, folding the edges of his paper-thin skin back to show blood and bone and sinew. like it's nothing. like all that he's been through is another chapter in the story of his life, unremarkable in all respects.
and it isn't. it deserves the attention that rin's giving it. heine shouldn't have to live like this, isolated except for a moment here and a moment there, not unhappy so much as unfeeling.
he makes judgment after judgment, and it's folly or it's kindness or it's some corrosive mixture of both.
either way, this isn't the end of it.
rin looks away, both hands clutched like anchors in the ocean of flowers around him, and doesn't try to perpetuate the argument. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
yet he angles himself around, ghost of a brow raised. time and time again he finds himself needing to step back in order to understand the steps of the conversation, only finding the solidity of incomprehension.
the truth was, he was fine with dying. he was fine with dying as long as he could take all that goddamn below with him.( where was naoto to be his last resort with that sword of hers ). ]
- It's fine. [ an answer made for scars, and a parry to the jab even if it lacks clarity to what he was answering. acceptance against anger and it is odd to be the one standing still for once.
for some reason, he wants to laugh, for a quick short breath like a shot, he does. ] Fix? [ we? ] I can't. Dunno how to. The only things that could fix it are buried behind whatever past we're part of now.
It won't help me here, but back home - there were swords. Or at least one sword for sure that was meant to punish disobedient dogs. Took a long time to heal from that shit. [ his side still remembered that pain. the draw-pull of the blade sharp and slow. ]
Ah - look, [ he hesitates, fumbles and looks for words he isn't used to giving. even rin's attempt at a threatpromise is lost, momentarily. ] - if the other guy shows up again. Get away. It's not a good idea to stick around.
[ sloppy concern. convincing heine of anything that could hint at experimental would be an event in and of itself.
a moment, and he adds with a twist to his lip, and he takes an indirect step forward. ] And Rin? I'd like to see you try and toss me anywhere.
[ and he looks to his feet, where blossoms pool. ] Ah - what do I do with these now?
no subject
[ a few petals, disturbed by the movement, flutter to life about him. rin's mind is a lifetime away, thinking about all that must be done in order to make this work: a meeting with tadashi, more information about the dog, foolproof tech that will - if only for a time - wipe that hangdog look from heine's face.
the silence doesn't last long. rin's determination has only been set in stone in the moments since, his gaze upon heine now brimming with careful consideration. ]
I'm serious. Not about some sword that can hurt you -- I'm thinking, maybe some kind of containment field? If the dog can't get out, then you can't hurt me or anyone else. Until we all know it's safe to let you out.
[ it doesn't matter if heine's pessimism is thick enough to clot their air between them. rin will make all the plans, rin will tie the fucking bow on top, if that's what it takes to make all of this work out.
but he softens with the quip, enough to continue the rally: ]
'sides. If it's strong enough to contain you, I'm pretty sure I can toss you wherever I want. You game?
[ rin will probably go ahead with this whether or not he has heine's permission, but better that he go through the motions first. ]
no subject
colour was maybe a little odd to have in the periphery of his surroundings, though it isn't a thought he really lingered much on, and even now it only comes in passing because what rin says next has him bristling, rising on hackles.
retort a near snap that breaches canines, ] - don't even try it, Rin.
The dog and I - you don't get it at all, do you? We're the same thing. [ he eases back, bark dying out against the breeze and he forces an exhale in its place. containment field in theory did not sound bad. but it would suppose him knowing when he was going to snap and his smirk is cruel at the very thought. it always is. ] And you know, sometimes it's not because I lose control, it's because I let it.
[ the idea, to him, seems too far. seems too much and too unreal and even if it wasn't he wouldn't dare hope something like that could work.] Besides, wouldnt trying to make any of that shit up just make it an experiment?
I'm not into that whole masochism thing. [ somehow, the collar barked in disagreement, all the bullet holes and wounds and reckless drives somewhere dug up in his past, in his flesh without any record. just a dog whose too much smoke to die. ] - Ugh, I'm not going to willingly jump into an experiment.
[ heine's pessimism is thick enough to built walls no one will climb. he will refuse. over and over because involving more people sounded terrible. because he didn't know if he wanted it to work and somehow thinking that the only thing that could put him down was a sword was okay, was better than some bullshit science field that could not possibly mix well with a collar he was master to and knew next to nothing of. besides, where would they find someone who knows enough about that?
someone who wouldn't be exactly like einsturzen. ] So, no Rin. I'm not game.
[ the red of his eyes only serves to emphasize how cutting his glare is. ] End of discussion. [ he won't be centre point of your goddamn saviour complex. ]
no subject
[ and it's frustrating to see that heine doesn't trust him enough to see his good will for what it is.
yet — can rin truly blame him? taken as a child, stripped of his humanity, forced to live with a bastardization of his own worst traits lurking in the shadows of his heart. one wrong turn and the ribcage closes, the blood turns sour in his mouth. maybe that's all that rin is, a moment away from his thoughts, a distraction.
worse than that, rin can't blame him. there are monsters and monsters lurking in tellus, each of which wouldn't think twice before grinding human bone and sinew to dust. but heine's worst fears are inside of him.
of course rin can't blame him. ]
But -- you think I don't see how rattled you are?
[ this is the only way rin knows to reach out. maybe tellus has stripped him of his softness, his ability to drop the gnashing teeth and flame-bright eyes.
but heine - of all people - should understand. ]
You think this tough-guy shit is gonna hide any of that?
[ it's not about saving all of them - rin knows fully well how small his hands are, how great and vast the universe is. it's not even about saving the other inhabitants of tellus, though that would be the logical argument.
it's about that edge of desperation that rin can read in the tight angles of heine's body, as clearly as if he'd spoken it aloud.
i just want to help, is what rin is telegraphing. a thin, wavering note that he wishes he could make audible. ]
Newsflash: it isn't.
[ it doesn't matter. even if heine tells him to fuck off, rin's going to do what he thinks is best. ]
no subject
he still remembers the walls he woke to; there was nothing else and rin says it rattles him and it does. and he hates that it is as clear as surface of water, even if some things are still distorted against the proverbial liquid.
firered eyes and heine turnstile scarlet of his away and laughs. actually laughs, harsh raspwhisper and the tight angles of his body coil at the subtle vibration, hands stuffed into his pockets. ] Really.
You think you can fix it? [ the reason aside, it's a laughable idea.
or maybe there was a part of him that did not want to let the dog go. to not have the potential to block that thing out, because that would mean letting go of that guilt, if his intentions, if that need. of that purpose, assigned to a stray.
it comes down to this; rin doesn't know what is best for him and heine would never allow that truth to show through. the burden was his own, shoulders used to the weight. his smile is uncomfortable and thin, rin's whisper thin intentions lost on deafened ears. ] We're from completely different worlds. Didn't think I would have to remind you.
no subject
[ even though the strange light in heine's eyes is foreign. though he stands like the scarecrow rin has oft likened him too, bones in the guise of limbs, lumps of coal for eyes. like something too different for rin to reach out and recognize as human.
except that's not true. only a moment ago, heine had proved just how human he is. even if he doesn't want to admit it. even if he's so deeply embroiled in his own self-hatred that accepting help seems anathema. ]
Unless you're too proud to accept help.
[ it's a shot in the dark, rin's verbal gun empty of ammunition. heine stands on some distant precipice that rin can't reach; acting as a guide would be impossible.
rin makes up his mind in that moment, away and apart from the conversation at hand. even if he gives in today, he's not going to stop. he'll talk to tadashi, he'll talk to every single medical and technical expert amongst their numbers if it means helping heine find a solution that works for him.
if it means losing heine's friendship, so be it. some things are worth more.
in the end, whether heine wears that sickle-curve of a smile or not, he's still made of flesh and bone. there's still a beating heart hidden within. and rin's come to care about its perpetuity, even if heine seems to have lost hope long ago. ]
no subject
rin speaks of pride and it should make heine rise in his hackles. should parry the jab, like a starved dig eager to action. except he speaks of pride and heine covets his lack of admittance. in silence like of a doberman's jaw, wet and unyielding. his pride sits in his throat, in his chest. I'm the thump thump thump of rotten heart because pride and guilt is the very thread which weaves the paperthin blue of his veins.
and that's fine. ] Accept help?
Or some daydream? [ he cannot accept. will not. because nothing about his nature would allow him otherwise. and the hound bays in echo, hungry and messy and crude and for a moment longer,heine does not remember where he starts and the collar ends.
perhaps he never will. ] Look. I told you what you needed to know. That's it. I'm not asking for help. [ so stop shoving it down my throat is implied.]
no subject
and then he looses his tethered breath. it's not worth it. ]
Fine.
[ rin doesn't let anything go so easily, though.
maybe it's a virtue. maybe it's a personality defect.
but heine stands before him like he's proving something, folding the edges of his paper-thin skin back to show blood and bone and sinew. like it's nothing. like all that he's been through is another chapter in the story of his life, unremarkable in all respects.
and it isn't. it deserves the attention that rin's giving it. heine shouldn't have to live like this, isolated except for a moment here and a moment there, not unhappy so much as unfeeling.
he makes judgment after judgment, and it's folly or it's kindness or it's some corrosive mixture of both.
either way, this isn't the end of it.
rin looks away, both hands clutched like anchors in the ocean of flowers around him, and doesn't try to perpetuate the argument. ]