[There's definitely a marked pause between messages. It catches him off guard--still--despite the fact that he'd once again brought it up without thinking. He's been so guarded about it with near everyone he's met so far, so distant: names, jobs, places, but never talking about people, but he slips up once, and it just keeps happening, like a slow-building avalanche.
It should bother him more. It still hurts. And with this, it's more of an inarguable memory, seared onto his heart he can't leave it behind--ever--than it is a speculation, or a dream, or a droning powerpoint presentation that still hasn't quite sunk in.]
sort of it's
[He types it out a few times, erases it, stares at the screen, rinse/repeat. Zack, he's be more exasperated with the fact that you can't admit what's right in front of you, what's already happened.
But it's not that saying it aloud makes it real, not quite like it seems with everything else. So what does it mean? He's slipped up with everything else, why does it suddenly get hard when it's already real?]
[ rin doesn't need the anchor of a visual reference to know that he's stumbled into brambles. the response is too succinct, too hesitant. lacking in the easy effusiveness that zack manages to portray even through text.
likewise, rin types out a few different responses -- from who?, "sort of"?, etc -- and deletes them all. he's not used to giving his friends space, but zack is a soldier. whatever secrets he carries around with him, maybe some are too cracked and worn to be passed about.
there are questions that he himself wouldn't answer if zack cornered him, after all. some things that should have no audience.
[It might hurt less if he allowed himself to cope, but that's never a step he's progressed to. He's cried about it, certainly, more than once, but he's never progressed to the point of wholly accepting it. It's like hope in a dangerous inverse, denial taken to an unhealthy level of willfulness.
And yet. He'd had similar fears with Aerith too, hadn't he? And Rin isn't one of those curious-to-downright-stalking "fans" who only wanted something for an email blast only to be forgotten or drummed up as fantastic dramatic fodder for later, he's a friend. Regardless of how little time it takes for Zack to place his trust in people, there is a measure of it there, and it hasn't been proven wrong yet.
So maybe a little of A and a little of B. Boundaries around a relatively open heart are tentative and not really nailed into the foundation yet.]
you know i'm never gonna believe you ever again when you pull this "fine" shit right
[ he's not worried so much as irked — rin has come to realize that he's only comfortable when he's certain that those in his purvue are the same. and zack's the friendly sort, warm with sincerity, but he carries a weight around with him that rin can't decipher.
he's a soldier. maybe it's a weight that would be inscrutable to rin even if he did unravel the details of it: he doesn't understand why zack carries that sword around with him. doesn't understand why that flicker of pain is paramount to all that zack is.
he sighs, and shoots off another text before zack starts to backpedal. ]
fine i get it but i'm not letting you off the hook when all of this is over
that's why i'm happy to help with the clarification SIR
[It's typed with a laugh, not that anyone but Zack would ever find it funny. Rin's worrying is a comfort, for as much as he tries to shrug it off. Sweet, honestly, in a way he'd have difficulty finding words for.]
i don't expect you to i--
[It's cut off, and there's another pause, like this emotional idiot is trying to find his words without chewing them up unintelligibly until the sentiment doesn't mean anything anymore.]
i'm glad you don't but places to go and people to help
zack and makoto are oddly alike, rin thinks, though it's a similarity that has taken this long for him to recognize. one day, when this has blown over, he needs to introduce the two of them. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
are you bleeding and/or is anything broken
[ god, his entire life is now going to be introducing zack to girls who can kick his ass and/or heal him at the same time, isn't it. ]
note that im not asking about your brain
already know that went off ages ago
no subject
i'm OKAY.
[See, now he's even avoiding "fine." But that didn't work out so badly the last time, so...
He needs to stop meeting people by falling through ceilings or getting crushed under them.]
ftr my brain is fine too, thanks
no subject
where are you anyway
can you swim with that giant plank on your back
no subject
[Shit. Right. THAT.]
...do you think someone could haunt you over rust?
no subject
you do know that ghosts aren't real
right
[ with zack, one can never tell... ]
no subject
not sure about that anymore
and if anybody could find a way around that...
ANYWAY i don't know it's never come up
[As if he isn't thinking about it constantly anyway? That's the real haunting.]
no subject
why??? was the sword a gift
[ he should tread carefully after his misstep about zack's girlfriend, but... well, curiosity killed the cat. or the shark, be that as it may. ]
no subject
It should bother him more. It still hurts. And with this, it's more of an inarguable memory, seared onto his heart he can't leave it behind--ever--than it is a speculation, or a dream, or a droning powerpoint presentation that still hasn't quite sunk in.]
sort of
it's
[He types it out a few times, erases it, stares at the screen, rinse/repeat. Zack, he's be more exasperated with the fact that you can't admit what's right in front of you, what's already happened.
But it's not that saying it aloud makes it real, not quite like it seems with everything else. So what does it mean? He's slipped up with everything else, why does it suddenly get hard when it's already real?]
inherited
[Because it was something he couldn't stop.]
no subject
likewise, rin types out a few different responses -- from who?, "sort of"?, etc -- and deletes them all. he's not used to giving his friends space, but zack is a soldier. whatever secrets he carries around with him, maybe some are too cracked and worn to be passed about.
there are questions that he himself wouldn't answer if zack cornered him, after all. some things that should have no audience.
so rin takes a step back. ]
you want to talk about it or should i back off
1/3
And yet. He'd had similar fears with Aerith too, hadn't he? And Rin isn't one of those curious-to-downright-stalking "fans" who only wanted something for an email blast only to be forgotten or drummed up as fantastic dramatic fodder for later, he's a friend. Regardless of how little time it takes for Zack to place his trust in people, there is a measure of it there, and it hasn't been proven wrong yet.
So maybe a little of A and a little of B. Boundaries around a relatively open heart are tentative and not really nailed into the foundation yet.]
you're fine
it's just...it's fine
2/3
3/3
fine as in OKAY fine not
'rin i'm fine but i probably had a concussion and didn't tell you about it' fine
[
He's not deflecting, you're deflecting.]no subject
[ he's not worried so much as irked — rin has come to realize that he's only comfortable when he's certain that those in his purvue are the same. and zack's the friendly sort, warm with sincerity, but he carries a weight around with him that rin can't decipher.
he's a soldier. maybe it's a weight that would be inscrutable to rin even if he did unravel the details of it: he doesn't understand why zack carries that sword around with him. doesn't understand why that flicker of pain is paramount to all that zack is.
he sighs, and shoots off another text before zack starts to backpedal. ]
fine
i get it
but i'm not letting you off the hook when all of this is over
no subject
[It's typed with a laugh, not that anyone but Zack would ever find it funny. Rin's worrying is a comfort, for as much as he tries to shrug it off. Sweet, honestly, in a way he'd have difficulty finding words for.]
i don't expect you to
i--
[It's cut off, and there's another pause, like this emotional idiot is trying to find his words without chewing them up unintelligibly until the sentiment doesn't mean anything anymore.]
i'm glad you don't
but places to go and people to help
you sure you're okay?
[
Zack, shut up.]no subject
[ "sir", huh? he likes the sound of that.
zack and makoto are oddly alike, rin thinks, though it's a similarity that has taken this long for him to recognize. one day, when this has blown over, he needs to introduce the two of them. ]
and i'm fine, idiot.
[ you were asking for that one, zack. ]